_______, it has been an honor and joy during these past few months to meet with you and walk with you towards this day. I am very excited for you both and while much could be said, I will try to be brief.
The second passage you chose, an excerpt from Paul’s letter to the church in Rome , tells us that God is for you. This passage communicates the most through its questions, (a.) “Who can bring a charge against you?” (b.) “Who condemns you?” and (c.) “Who can separate you from the love of God?” These questions, in many ways, summarize the challenges every marriage faces, issues of guilt, shame, and separation. In all of these, This passage tells us that God is for you. Who can be against you? As the first reading, Psalm 121:2 says, “My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”
Paul started his letter describing how the human race turns away from God and how He takes initiative to draw people to himself, pay their debt through the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, and defeat all dark powers through Christ’s resurrection. God’s love is not blind. It bound him to keep his promises to Abraham and respond to our rejection by sending Christ (cf. Kierkegaard). What we read today is a climax of an entire section which asserts that our brazen rebellion, hard-headedness, and self-delusions cannot stop God’s love.
In the first question, Paul speaks of accusation. We all have guilt, and in marriage you will find many ways that you can hurt one another. No backstabbing is as powerful as that of a spouse. Few disappointments are felt as deeply. You will sin against each other, both intentionally and through neglect and sloth, and you will have no excuse. In verse 33 of this passage, Paul asks, “Who shall bring any charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.” Who accuses you? As Christ-followers, your response to sin should be different. When you experience your partner’s sin, it hurts, but in Christ you can show mercy because God has been merciful to you. As C.S. Lewis says, through Jesus, God forgives the inexcusable in us, and the love of God helps you forgive the inexcusable in your partner. Who accuses you? “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.”
Secondly, Paul asks, Who condemns? One of the joys of marriage is a physical openness without shame. Also, the emotional openness can be freeing when both people feel safe and supported. Yet, one of the challenges of marriage is that you come to know so much about a person that it is tempting to shame them in front of others, whether family or in public. You are acutely aware of their weaknesses. Instead of being a help that comes alongside honorably and respectfully, it is tempting to put a spotlight on their weakness. Whether it’s a nag, a snide remark, an exposing of dirty laundry, or overcompensating for them, shame is powerful.
Who condemns? Jesus, who died and rose again, is at God’s throne above the cosmos, interceding for you, _______. Your cosmic status is not one of shame. You are a delightful topic of divine conversation. God the Son is talking to God the Father, and he speaks very highly of you both. This is a great encouragement and example for us. When you are tempted to gripe about your husband “with the ladies” or scorn your wife among “the fellas,” remind yourself, “what is Jesus saying about my spouse right now?” The ancient church fathers note that one of the key dangers in spiritual life (and I would add in marriage) is forgetfulness. We are too often caught in the moment and forget the big picture. Who condemns you? __ (Groom) __, as you see her today, beautiful, radiant, pure, and dressed in white, that is her reputation God the Father hears from Jesus. Don’t forget. __ (Bride) __, as you see him today, stately, handsome, enraptured & engaged, noble, true, and pure, don’t forget. Who condemns? Remember Jesus’ intercession.
The final question Paul asks is one of separation. The infamy of our age is how often wedding promises are abandoned. We regularly hear that marriage will bring us self-realization, fulfillment, personal growth, physical gratification, and happiness. When it doesn’t, we are tempted to separate and abandon our promises. Others might praise marriage and never divorce, but when we observe a mere social contract kept for raising a family, a life of 50/50 negotiations and cold pragmatism, we see relational separation that results in lives of quiet desperation. Loving for the sake of self-fulfillment is contradictory to God’s love, and keeping a contract without love does not reflect the character of God.
While you are making a contract/covenant today and all of us here today wish you much happiness, your main mission is to forge a life of oneness. This is your new spiritual discipline. Solid, healthy, lasting oneness takes a lot of work and will be challenged at every turn. Seek such a deep oneness that the obligations of this contract become almost unnecessary. (B. Roberts) There is great joy in this oneness, great security in a love that never lets go, great assurance in experiencing kept promises, great connection in living all of life together and engaging deeply with someone for decades, great assurance that the one who knows your dirty laundry will loves you more in ten years than he does today. There is a great consolation to experience a love that is tender in sickness, generous in affection, ready to listen, quick to encourage, and playful at just the right time. It’s great to have someone who just “understands.” This life of Christ-driven oneness is worth it.
Who can separate? It is a love that is greater than our mistakes, greater than our need for satisfaction or fulfillment or even our need for being loved. It is a love that is solid, has deep integrity, and keeps its promises. It is a love willing to walk through pain, through “the valley of the shadow of death,” that never gives up because it knows what is on the other side of the pain. It is a love that builds up, that washes feet, that is willing to die for another. It is a love that defends, that leads, and that comes alongside.
Who can separate? The love of God, in which this passage climaxes, is one that all the powers of the cosmos and all the suffering and trials of life cannot overcome. This is the commitment God makes with you. He will be your help, your “rear guard” in the battles of life, your refuge in the storm, your strength when you feel weak. Jesus promises that his followers will be persecuted as he was, as your Christian friends in China can testify, but suffering will not separate you from the love of God. When God promises to love, he keeps it. This love is greater than life and greater than death. God’s love for his people is a marital love, and a good healthy Christian marriage of man and woman is a picture of God’s love for us.
_______, May God fill you with a fresh sense of Christ’s self-giving love, and may that be the driving force in your new life together, that your marriage might increase his fame in the world.
